


Remain

by eurusholmmes



Series: Remember The Garden (Alt. Endings) [2]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, CT-6116 | Kix is a Good Bro, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Force-Sensitive CT-6116 | Kix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eurusholmmes/pseuds/eurusholmmes
Summary: It's a known fact that almost everyone Bo-Katan Kryze loves either leaves or dies. Kix had said he would never.. and then he got kidnapped by Imperials.That's how she finds herself here: terrified out of her wits, finally admitting to herself one very simple truth.She loves that clone, just like she loved Satine,and now she's going to possibly lose him.
Relationships: CT-6116 | Kix & Bo-Katan Kryze
Series: Remember The Garden (Alt. Endings) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159190
Kudos: 2





	Remain

**Author's Note:**

> this is platonic, will always be platonic   
> either way   
> enjoy my favorite dynamic ever

_"Bo, too late, I love you-_ " 

His words ring in her ears as Ursa and Alrich's medics on Krownest rush Kix past the front doors of their home and to the medical wing. Bo-Katan had pursued Kix here after a rather difficult discussion the two of them had had in which she had fled to release a little steam - because killing Imperials _always_ helps release steam - and when she'd gone off to find Ahsoka and Ursa after promptly smacking Kix and then spending the afternoon sledding, Kix had wandered outside and gotten himself kidnapped by camping Imperials after thawing himself out from the cold. 

_My fault. My fault. My fault._

Ahsoka had never seen her so panicked. The minute they'd announced handing him over to the medics, Bo-Katan had thrown herself between the medics and Kix and wound herself around him in a way that screamed _this is mine and you cannot have it_ and had remained on that gurney since. With Kix's mental shields being torn to shreds during the interrogation of a Sith on the cruiser they'd rescued him from, she couldn't remain around him too long without being overwhelmed by the emotions that are overwhelming his fragile state. 

"Bo, you have to let go of him, they are going to take care of Kix-" 

" _No."_

She hadn't even questioned that because she'd heard that same tone in her own voice when it came to her brother. It's the sound of fear, of desperation to keep a good thing when life had taken away so many of their good things for both of them. Kix was Ahsoka's only connection to her former life in the Order - she still dreams about their first interaction sparring, cyan on emerald blades gleaming in the shadows of the training Salle - and Kix was the _only_ person she'd ever met who had gotten Bo-Katan to open up so effortlessly. To be vulnerable. 

Ahsoka almost envied that ability. 

When she finally does leave, Kix's eyes fluttered open at her loss, and he rolled his head to glance down at the arms around his chest. He barely remembered the ride back - or sharing that tihaar with Alrich - and remains extremely confused as he exhaled softly. "Bo?" Kix asked. "What are you doing?" 

Were this anyone else, she'd freeze at the recognition of what she was doing, but Bo tightens her arms around his middle and keeps her eyes forward. Her fingers are still pressed against his wrist. "Watching over you." She replied firmly. _Like a good soldier, watching over her men. But that's not what he is.. is he? That's never been what Kix was to you._

His brow furrowed. "Why? Are we back?" Bo places her hand firmly on Kix's chest to ease him back into her as he searched the hallway for something to recognize as to where they were. "I think I fell asleep drinking with Alrich... I'm supposed to be checked out by their medics." 

"We're nearly to the med-bay." Despite that, Bo hasn't moved away from him. It's taken her a while to be comfortable enough to let him touch her in general, but there's something oddly comforting about being able to feel him breathe beneath her, to feel his heart beneath her hand. It's a stark contrast from the fear and emptiness she'd felt when she lost Satine, something she'd buried and never allowed herself to feel. 

Recognition flickered across Kix's face. He knew he had a black eye and a busted lip, and his arms are covered in cuts and his head _aches,_ but he knows what this is. "Let me go, Bo." He says softly, just at the shell of her ear as that's where his head lays. He means let me go so the healers can take care of me, but that's not at all what Bo-Katan hears; And after making so many promises to stay, letting Kix go is the last thing she's going to do. 

"No. You're not thinking straight, you're injured." 

His aching hands rest on top of her own that lay on his chest. "Bo-Katan," Kix says quietly. "Your baar'ur has to be treated. You have to let me _go."_

Letting go was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life. She had barely been able to do that the night Pre had died, when she'd watched Maul kill her sister, _all these times_ people she loved had died and then she was going to lose Kix because wasn't fast enough and _osik-_

. "NO!" 

Kix is surprised at how much louder then intended that is. He's far too tired to argue - on all levels, because Imperials had a hatred for clones despite them being decommissioned and it was just an added bonus that he was Force sensitive - and so he waves off the Senior Medic of the Wren's baar'ure and turns his attention to his vod, who refuses to let go of him. He eased her fingers into his own and wrapped them around his wrist. 

" _Bo."_

She doesn't like how uneasy and weak his pulse is. It's usually so strong, so _sure._ The weakness of his heart terrifies her. "Kix, I thought you were dead. If you think I'm leaving, you are _sorely_ mistaken." Bo snarled quietly, fingers curling into the fabric of his undershirt. "I don't want to leave and think about what's happening to you!" 

_I don't want to leave and for you to die when I do._

. "I'm injured, vod." Kix said. "They're going to help me. Not hurt me. I'm not Pre or your sisters. I'm not leaving." 

Bo-Katan shook her head. If she let go, he would disappear like smoke, and she would just cease to be this new person she was that he was so stupidly proud of. No one had been proud of her like this since her days with Pre Viszla, and she didn't want to lose something so _precious_ like that before she'd barely gotten to tell them how much that _meant_ to her. No matter how difficult it is. 

" _Stop."_

From where Kix rests against her shoulder, he tightened her arms around his middle and eased more into her touch to nuzzle the column of her throat. "Bo, buurenaar.. I hurt _everywhere._ I haven't been in this much pain in years. I need _help."_

That realization sends her crashing back into reality. 

" _Kix..."_

It's out before he can stop himself. Being the triplet of Hardcase and Jesse, Kix had always had incredible difficulty keeping his thoughts to himself. " _I love you."_ He whispered. "Ori'vod, I _love_ you. You can stay if you have to. I would never ask you to leave." Upon realizing she'd fallen silent, Kix turned his head enough just to press his forehead against her jaw. "I know saying that hurts you, and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to go into that med-bay without you hearing it." 

Those words will always hurt her. Bo-Katan can say it romantically, but familial love was always a concept she'd had a hard time thinking about since being abandoned by her entire family, including her parents. Her family had never been there for her the way she needed them to be. She didn't need them. 

But for _some_ reason she doesn't understand, Bo cannot imagine her life now without this clone. The complete antithesis of everything she'd ever come to know and be true, and his persistence in getting her to change had _really_ affected her in a way she didn't understand. Not yet. 

Maybe she never will. 

"Please," She murmured softly. "Please.. just wake up." 

"You don't need to be so afraid." 

"I can't help it." 

Kix gently shook his head but let it remain where it was. "I'm not everyone else in your life, Bo. I'm here. _Alive._ I mean that, and I intend to keep it." He winced as pain seared through his arms and head. 

_Do not let him go. You love him, and you won't tell him, so you show him._

Tears burn Kix's eyes. He hadn't had anyone hold him this tightly since Umbara, so he traced his fingers along the inside of her wrist and let his eyes slip shut. If he'd learned anything since living on the Star Destroyer with Bo and Ahsoka, it was that they always talked when they wanted to. 

Silence rings in the corridor otherwise. If he had the ability to use The Force without feeling crippling pain from his broken shields, he'd be able to feel her fear. 

"If I let you go, then you'll never come back to me." 

Kix hummed his acknowledgement to let her know he was listening, but he's silent otherwise. He's trying to maintain control of... well. Everything. 

"Please promise me you'll come back, Kix." 

_Because I cannot lose anyone else._

Kix knew he shouldn't make her a promise he couldn't keep. He'd said as much to his brothers whenever he'd taken critical care patients during the war, when their batch mates had begged him to save their lives even if it as clear they were too far gone. He's been badly injured - and it is because of her, the splinter group of Imperials who had captured him hated Mandalorians - and his mind is a mess, which was why Ahsoka wasn't near him at the moment. He shouldn't make promises he can't keep.

"I can't promise buurenaar. But I'm going to try, I _swear_ -" 

"No! Promise!" 

Kix winced at her raise voice, but he nodded and whispered, "Promise." 

Still silent, Bo-Katan loosened her grip on Kix. 

"It's okay." He murmured in encouragement, giving the medic the signal to come closer to the door. "I don't know if I'm going to need batch, but if I do, you let them put me in without fighting. Then you can stay, but don't give them trouble. Okay?" Kix squeezed her fingers. 

"As long as they don't hurt you, sure." She said. 

"That's literally the opposite of their job." Kix paused. "Will it make you feel better to watch, so you know what's going on? Or are you going to go find Ahsoka?" 

"No. I'm staying." 

Her loyalty to the people she cares about is definitely one of the most admirable qualities about her, and one that is very overlooked. "I don't think you'll want to stay on this gurney, Bo. You just cleaned your beskar, and there's probably blood on it." 

"... Fine." 

She laid his head back down on the gurney and stepped away. Before the senior medic took him into the med-bay, Kix tilted his head upward to look at her. Wanting to say something that may bring her some type of comfort, since gifts were out of the question at the moment. He settled on one phrase, one he knew she'd remember since he'd painted it on his helmet. 

" _Darasuum, Vode An."_

While the team of medics treats his physical injuries, Kix allowed the overwhelming exhaustion that had been plaguing him to finally make his eyes close. He can feel Bo-Katan near by even though the haze of the Force, keenly watching the medics work on him. After extensive treatment, the medics on call decide his injuries are not severe enough to warrant bacta, and they instead give him a sedative that should make him sleep for several hours.

When they're done, they give Bo-Katan permission to enter the med-bay. Kix is the only one in there. She came in quickly, taking a seat at his bedside to grab his hand and press her fingers to his wrist. _A pulse._ Bo sighed, putting her head in her hands. She's exhausted. 

_Please.. I need you to wake up. I hurt you. This is on me.. your pain is on my hands._

_I won't let your blood be on my hands too._

Kix isn't physically conscious, but he's mentally conscious. His mind is haywire - his mindscape a disaster, it's changed from the Temple to the Star Destroyer, which is now home - and so he sets to quietly and gingerly beginning to pick up the pieces. He's dead to the world. 

Bo brings his palm to her forehead, pressed it there, trying to hold onto the fact that he's alive. 

"I haven't lost my composure like that in a _long_ time, Kix." 

The last time she can remember losing her composure like this was the night Pre had been taken from her. She had been his right hand for so long, and she had not known life without him until that point. His influence on her was the reason why she was fighting so hard to get Mandalore back, to make it something he would be proud of. 

_Kix paused in the middle of cleaning up the mess inside the aay'han room. Was that.. Was that Bo's voice? He shrugged, deciding to listen in on it, but continued to clean up the fragmented portions of his mind broken by the Imperials. Maybe she'll talk more now then she ever has._

. "If you die, I'm going to leave." She surprised herself, saying that. But it seems to be true. "I can't get attached to anyone. If you die, it'll only prove that I need to be alone." 

_It'll only prove that loving you as my brother hurt me._

_That gave him pause. Kix knew that people cannot do life without others. He tried that after he woke up from cryo-stasis and only suffered for it. People are not islands, they aren to meant to be alone, and neither is she. He concentrated hard enough to give his body the energy needed to squeeze her hand._

Bo froze at that. Can he _hear_ her? 

"Kix, just please hold on..." 

After about an hour, Kix's eyes slowly fluttered open. He'd definitely been placed on some quality painkiller, that much is obvious, and his head doesn't hurt nearly as bad now as it had before he fell asleep. He had half expected someone to drag Bo out of here, but he's surprised to find her still sitting at his bedside, brow pinched with worry even in a dozed off, fitful sleep. He won't be surprised if she has a nightmare. 

"Kix. Kix! Are you awake?!" 

''Sh...." Kix murmured, gently nodding as he rolled is head back to the window. "Mhm. Mmmmm.." 

"Please," There's a tone of desperation to her voice, something she needed to hear in order to be assured. "Please talk." 

Despite the grit in his throat, Kix managed to swallow and speak, " _Oyayc."_

Relief flooded her at the Mando'a. He'd been learning how to speak it more since she'd said it made her feel closer to home, and to hear him say _alive_ when he was laying injured in bed because of her.. 

"Good." She murmured, squeezing his hand. "That's what matters." Kix rolled his head back in her direction and frowned, brow pinched in concern. She looks exhausted. "How are you feeling?" 

"Achy. Tired." He pointed a trembling hand to the water on the table just out of reach. "The Force hurts. You.. you're tired. Very tired." 

Bo handed him the water. "I'll survive." 

Under different circumstances he'd just use The Force to help with this, but he sleepily lifted his head high enough to tip the cup back and down most of the water. "Pull up a cot, buurenaar. The one behind you. I'm gonna... probably nod off again..." 

"I'm not leaving." 

His eyes softened as he again motioned to the cot behind her. "It's right behind you. Pull one up." 

"Fine." Bo reached behind her to pull the cot beside Kix's, and laid down on it despite still being dressed in her beskar. It practically acts like a second skin now. 

Across from her, Kix curled in on his side and pressed a hand under his cheek. He's studying her. Remembering what she said, but refraining from mentioning it. "Are you okay, Bo?" He asked softly. After a moment of silence, he reached across the gap to take her hand into his own. "I'm surprised they didn't put me in bacta.. I figured you'd be giving them hell. You're so overprotective." 

Bo-Katan took his hand and began tracing the scars on his palm. 

"Probably would have. I don't trust them." 

"They're the Wren's medics, Bo." His eyes flickered upward. "And either way, I would have made you. Because that's what they're here for, to help me _heal._ I don't particularly like you seeing me in so much-* He yawns. *Pain." 

"Well, you can't do anything about it. I'm staying." She argued. Kix ran a thumb over the back of her hand and fell quiet, wondering if she'd ever truly let her walls down. Maybe she would only do that for people who knew her the best. "I knew coming here was a bad idea." 

Kix laughed quietly and shook his head. His fingers trembled lightly in her own as he slowly breathed in and out, eyes falling shut. He was almost expecting her to keep her fingers on his pulse. "I never thought you'd be afraid of this." He confessed. "I don't know why I am surprised." 

"I'm surprised at myself, honestly." 

"For what? Surprised over what?" 

''How strongly I reacted. It was like-like when Pre died." 

Kix paused at that. If she'd reacted that way to _him_ nearly dying.. what did that mean? Did that mean... that she cared about him that much? 

" _I believe you have something that belongs to me."_

He'd never forget the fire in her Force Signature when she and Ahsoka had rescued him from that cell. Fire that burned for people she _loved._

. "I didn't think I mattered that much to you, Bo." 

Bo-Katan's eyebrows raise. "What?" She asked. "Of course you do!" 

Kix clearly didn't believe her. He'd always been someone who'd received love through affirmation or touch, and Bo-Katan didn't do either of those. His eyes flickered downward. "You would survive without me, you know." He murmured. 

"No." 

"Yeah. Yeah.. you would." 

Her eyes were _gleaming_ as she looked back at him, clearly upset that he doesn't recognize how much she cares. "You call me clueless and then go and pull osik like this," She growled softly. "If you didn't survive, I wouldn't be the same Bo as I was before." 

That's an oddly specific choice of words. 

"Why?" He asked. 

"Because I-" _I love you. You made me love you - the_ _person I should hate - and I can't tell you because that means you'll slip out of my fingers before I can keep you there._ Bo sighed and furrowed her brow. This should not be this hard. 

Kix, however, seemed to be okay with that and squeezed her hand in encouragement. "Hey," He murmured. "Morut'yc, vod." She shook her head again. "If you tell me, does that put me at a higher risk of dying?" 

"Yes." She said. 

Kix went quiet again and curled his fingers enough to move the bed with the Force - much more slowly and with a considerable amount of effort- until they're pressed together. "So why do you get so bothered when _I_ say it to _you_?" 

"I don't know!" 

He paused again to consider. So she _does_ love him, she's just too afraid to say it. "Okay." He murmured. Kix closed his eyes again and curled back up, resting his hand between them. Her fingers still haven't moved from his wrist. "It's okay." 

She doesn't buy it. Bo-Katan is getting as good at reading him as he is at reading her. "Is it?" She asked. 

_Don't lie. She hates it when you lie._ "No, Bo. It's not. Not to me. I am not going to do anything to change it, not when you've worked so hard to get to this point. I'm already proud of what I've seen. What you've done." He said. 

"It's not enough." 

"No.. not yet. But it's enough for now. It'll have to be." Kix had become an expert at masking his emotions as someone who had worked over dying brothers for most of his life, but ever since waking up and finding himself alone, his chassis had cracked and every so often, his vulnerability slipped through. He's still pretty out of it. 

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. 

"Don't be." He replied. "It's okay. Like I said.. I'm proud. Maybe I should just stop being so overly emotional. That's been my thing for years.. can grow out of it if needed." 

Bo rolled her eyes playfully. "What would I do without my sentimental clone to roll my eyes at?" 

A light blush scattered across his cheeks as he buried his face in free hand. "I don't know." He murmured. "Make out with your girlfriend? You surely have better things to do then be with me, buurenaar." At the mention of Ahsoka and his obvious teasing, Bo scowled. That made him laugh. 

"Oh, I do. But somehow I always end up _here._ " 

"I'm probably going to sleep for a while. These meds are killer." Kix hummed and tilted his head downward. "I'm not leaving this bed anytime soon in the off chance you do want to leave. This kind of stuff happens, and it will probably happen again because that's the risk of you knowing me." 

She shook her head again. "I'm not leaving." 

It occurred to Kix then that she probably never will. If there's anything that he admired about Bo-Katan Kryze, it was her quietly fierce love and devotion to people she cared about. Kix yawned and softly began to hum the lullaby he usually played for her on his bes'bev, fingers trailing absently on the sheets between them. The only other sound in the room is his heart monitor. Steady. 

That calmed Bo-Katan slightly. As he sung, her grip on his wrist loosened. 

Still singing, Kix turned their hands over and traced her own, eyes hazy. Clones were very much touch oriented people. "You will be a fantastic Mand'alor someday, Bo. It was nice to be able to see you so happy. It's too rare a sight." 

"We can do that again." She said. "When you're better." 

When. She hardly dared to push her luck. 

"I never imagined when I met you and made you attack me that we'd get here. I wondered for a while if I was being too emotional, too attached. Wondering why I was doing what I was doing." He lifted his eyes to meet her own. "And you further proved my point by listening to me. You listened to what I said, you took it to heart, even if it did hurt. You invited me to be in your personal Council, found me that bes'bev, made me that shrine. I've been wondering how you show your love to people for a while now. It's not through words. It's acts." 

She tilted her head. That was all the confirmation he needed to know he was right. 

"It's easier that way, isn't it? It's hard to... to say it." 

_Because everyone always leaves._

"Depends." Kix murmured. "Your love language to _give_ instead of receive is acts. I'm not sure how you receive it yet.. specifically from me. I know how you receive it from Ahsoka." He paused. "I don't have a problem saying it when I know who it's going to and I mean it." 

"I-" She tried to say it again, and still couldn't. Bo settled for squeezing Kix's hand instead. "I really appreciate everything you've done." 

Kix laughed softly. It's oddly endearing to see her try so hard. "You're welcome. It's been a privilege to watch.. I don't have much more I can do for you." 

"You could." She replied. "If you want." 

"Could what?" 

"Have other things to do." 

Kix shook his head. Where else would he be going? All his brothers were dead, The Order was defunct. He could go see Anakin's son, oversee the rebuilding of the New Jedi Order.. but that would end the same way the first one did. Kix didn't want to see another kingdom fall. Not like that. "I doubt it." He said. "There's nothing else out there for me." 

"Really?" She asked. 

"There's nothing out there for me, Bo." Kix's eyes moved to the bracelet Obi-Wan had given him that never left his wrist. "And Ahsoka... I don't think she'd take it well. I can't go with her to find Thrawn." 

"She wouldn't let you." 

"No... and I tried multiple times. She had nightmares of me getting killed by him." It was a tender topic for Ahsoka still, and he couldn't even bring up Thrawn without her getting defensive over it. He was _not_ to, under any circumstances, follow her. She couldn't afford to lose another brother. "I was never strong enough to be a warrior or a decent soldier. I was just.. too gentle. Too kind, too empathetic." 

_I was a healer._

"That's not a bad thing Kix." 

"It made me a terrible soldier, Bo." He laughed softly. "And now you two have to babysit me or whatever like I'm some kriffing inconvenience by not being the warrior you both are-" 

There he goes again, on a tangent of his crippling self doubt he kept so well hidden from her. "Kix, stop." She said softly. "You're not an inconvenience. You're our brother." 

_Our._

"Our brother." Kix whispered, almost in disbelief. "Nothing better in the world to be." 

"I'm glad the clones thing that too, as well as Mandalorians." At the mention of his past brothers, Kix's heart monitor does a bit of an erratic rhythm, but he doesn't respond to it. He knows what ghosts of his own still linger. "Kriff. I'm sorry." 

He shook his head. It's getting harder to talk in basic as the pain meds threaten to take him to sleep. He does realize now, though, that he wants Ahsoka. He wants contact. She's not gonna give it to him. 

"Are you okay, vod?" 

"Nayc." _Yes._ There. He can do Mando'a. One or two words will suffice for now." 

"Duumir ni at gaa’tayli." 

Kix tilted his head in confusion. "Got half. Say again?" 

Bo smiled. "Allow me to help you." 

"That's a first..." He faltered. "Help me with what?" 

"Whatever you need." 

What he needs is his other sister who likes contact, who he used to curl up with during campaigns before he'd transferred to Ghost and had served with Obi-Wan. Ahsoka had been raised by the clones, and she needed touch the same way they had. 

"You won't do this." Kix said. "Not what I need. It's not your language." 

"What does that mean?" 

"Kriff, you are going to make this hard." Kix exhaled softly and took a deep breath to prepare his next words. "During The Clone War with the company Ahsoka and I served in, we used to sleep in each other's bunks all the time. Clones are touch oriented, and she grew up around them. It's why she's the same way." 

Bo nodded. "Do you want me to go get her?" She asked.

He paused and furrowed his brow. Normally he'd say no because Ahsoka was always doing something, but after this, she'd come if he asked. "Yes. Please." 

Bo-Katan immediately sat up and let go of Kix's hand. "I'll get her." She said. "I should probably distract myself anyways." _From the very real fact this is obviously my fault_. He nodded and returned his hands to himself. 

"I'm just going to sleep. Will be better soon." 

"Sleep well. Heal fast." 

Bo slipped off the cot and turned to the door. 

"Be peaceful, Bo." 

She nodded. Had to give him some type of certainty that she'd be fine. "I will, Kix." A gentle look crossed through her eyes. "Goodnight." 

Kix closed his hands and stared at the empty space. He can feel her absence through the thick fog of The Force, and he really wanted Ahsoka, but he could not bear to keep his eyes open one moment longer. At least he knows now. Knows she loves him. Even if she can't say it. 

" _Goodnight love."_


End file.
